Can I Bum a Cigarette?
Living in a city center, I’m accustomed to the homeless as there is rarely a day that goes by that I’m not asked at least twice for some kind of handout and the rare days that I’m not asked are the rare days I don’t leave my apartment. I was in a bit of a pissy mood today (another female-less Valentines Day and a cold being the primary reason) and when I was asked to spare a couple of dollars on my way home from work, I toyed briefly with telling the guy to fuck off. Now, I’m normally a compassionate person in that I don’t go out of my way to wish harm or hardships on anyone. I’m also a fairly laid back guy, the dude who can go with the flow no matter which direction it goes and just be chill. But my sudden rush of anger and disgust at a simple question I can politely say no to or just ignore him caught me off guard. No, I didn’t give him cash to make myself feel better but it made me think, why have I recently been annoyed at the homeless or “bums”? Maybe you, faithful reader, feel the same way? Let’s try to see where the problem is.
Smell? Well, where it is true that the homeless smell something resembling rotten cheese mixed with urine and feces, you can’t hold it against them too much, I mean, their homeless which usually implies shower-less as well. I mean they could take a bath in a fountain or river but then we would be subjected to naked homeless and I would almost rather tolerate the fleeting dumpster smell. Of course there are missions and shelters they can clean up at but those places aren’t daily affairs. I’m going to say, this would be an unfair critique.
Lying? Everyone has that story that either happened to them or their friend or their friend’s friend or their friend’s friend’s friend where the homeless guy moves from his begging territory and proceeds to jump into a Ferrari and drive off or pull out a wad of cash that makes us normal working schlubs look like the bums. I’m not sure about that Ferrari story but the wad of cash makes sense. Being homeless they lack a crucial component of having a bank account: a home address. So, if they are “successful” at begging for money, they would have all their worldly money on them. Combine this with handouts like free food and the fact they have no bills and said money accumulates after awhile. I’m not sure if it happens in America (although it wouldn’t be surprising) but in countries like India, they will actually deform children because deformed children will make more money begging. And, no, I didn’t get that from Slumdog Millionaire; I caught that golden nugget of wisdom when I was in India. Same thing with a community baby, which will be a baby shared amongst multiple “mothers” because a women with a screaming demon hanging from her shoulder will garner more money. Supposing similar stuff happens in America, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch of the imagination where the homeless guy has the sign that says “Please help me, wife and 2 kids starving. Anything will help. God Bless” might not actually be married. It would be vindictive, though, to assume an outright lie. Unless you play 20 questions to trip them up, it would be difficult to call outright bullshit. Even when the transient is shit-faced and asking for money for food, we’ve all had the drunken craving for Taco Bell so they actually may be done drinking and want to put some real fuel in their stomach. Let’s assume they are telling the truth for arguments sake.
Drunk? However, when a bum is asking for cash when they are hammered, why the fuck should one believe they are going to do anything other than drink more. In the same note of the drunken craving for Taco Bell, there is also that drunken craving for another shot of tequila. And, frankly, does anyone want to really support that? Oh, it’s funny when the guy comes up and says “Hey, why lie? I need a buck for a beer” and you’re like “Haha, well at least he’s honest… hell I know I would want a beer!” Yeah, it’s hilarious that unlike the other contributing members of society, all that SOME (don’t want to get caught generalizing here) homeless people do is spend life in a perpetual state of drunkenness doing fuck-all. In fact, it could be the alcoholism that could have got some of these people where they are today. Contributing to this eventually leads to you walking down the street going, “why the hell does it smell like piss?”. Notice the shops around? See the sign in almost every door: “No Public Restroom”. Now, to be fair and bring up the point I mentioned earlier, it isn’t fair to generalize and to say every bum was a drunkard wouldn’t be fair and to assume every bum that came up to you was a drunk would be judgmental.
Assholes? Once again, this doesn’t apply to all homeless. There are some really nice homeless people out there. But there are also some assholes. You know the ones; they don’t thank you when you give them money or a cigarette or they refuse food and just “want some money”. I was once outside on a smoke break and this guy came up to me and asked for a cigarette. I gave him one. Then he asked for $10. I said he was aiming a little high to which he replies, “You fucking office jerk-offs are all the same. Have fun driving your Corvette tonight” and took off. Suffice to say, I don’t own a Corvette; I work IT which doesn’t give you Corvette comfort… may Ford Focus comfort but definitely not Corvette comfort. I digress on this point but I get shit pretty often, especially when I politely refuse to give a handout. I guess they have nothing to lose so they might as well share their disgust but honestly, that’s no way to get repeat business. However, once again, you cannot assume every homeless person coming up to you is an asshole, so this still can’t be the point of contention.
Priorities? Actually, more often than not, you can generalize that if a bum asks you for money and you offer a substitute like food or coffee instead, you will be declined. Logically, time spent eating is time spent away from begging and it is kind of hard to feel sorry and give handouts to a person in the middle of eating a Big Mac or drinking from a Starbucks cup. But, biologically, it makes more sense to have food in your stomach than money in your pocket. But since we still can’t go absolute on this fact, as I have experienced several times a homeless person taking my offer of a hot lunch or accepting left overs, this still cannot be the point.
Conclusion? So, what is the reason? We’ve looked at the five most common stereo-types/gripes about homeless people and all of them are not absolutes. In actuality, there is no definitive reason to hate homeless. Oh, there can be a combination of the above but since none are definitive there is truly no reason to be annoyed by homeless people. Now, that isn’t to say it is “wrong” to be annoyed or that it makes a person any less compassionate. Yes, most of us have extra to give but why? Is it our societal duty to help the homeless? I guess it is what Jesus would do but he’s the son of God, you can’t expect us all to live up to that standard. I’m not being cruel but no one knows what the next day will bring. Maybe you’ll be two smokes short of your usual consumption and are now stuck at work with no option but to get crabby not having your cigarette break. Perhaps that dollar was going to be converted into quarters for laundry but now you have to go make a withdrawal from an ATM and argue with the minimal English speaking clerk at 7/11 to break said $20. Perhaps you just had a really shitty day and don’t feel out-going and charitable. Maybe underneath it all, some of us are just selfish. I honestly don’t know but I wish there was a verifiable reason to be put off by the homeless. In the absence of one, I’ll make one up:
They Have it Good Compared to other countries, especially third world countries, our homeless have a much easier time. They are better fed, better clothed, better tolerated and have a much higher life expectancy. The only problem with this theory is that it implies you should help out people in those countries. Dammit, just forget the whole thing.
Spray In Your Face 